The Ruling To Come

There was a rather good 'Twilight Zone' episode wherein a pair of astronauts crash-land on a planet. One, disgruntled after a lifetime of taking orders, finds a microscopic civilization and revels in the ability to play God. Like most people (and myself), he lacked the full measure of self-determination that he would have liked. He was perpetually told what to do and, I imagine, faced judgement from above. It's unpleasant and hard to accept that one's fate is in the hands of anyone else.

That reminded me of a story I've been reading about whose commonly-accepted name is far more famous: the Sword Of Damocles. A lowly official in a royal court switches places with the king, who hangs a sword above the throne. The official rapidly finds his envy replaced with an appreciation of the threats always facing the king. I guess that what I and others get from that story is slightly different, and is better expressed by the saying "waiting for the other shoe to drop". There being always some authority over us, we often can do little more than wait for what's coming to do so. When we're lucky, there's a time for us to affect the outcome, but that time is so fleeting, and we suddenly realize that was it.

It occurs to me that my thoughts are rather similar to those in a recent post. I wrote then of the brutal waiting that precedes a decision, but what is the origin of the decision? I received some insight into that when I worked for a Boy Scout camp. As an applicant sixteen years old, I sat opposite my adult interviewer quite petrified. I was terrified by this imposing figure of power. I was under his thumb, and he could condemn me or lift me up. I was hired, and climbed the ladder summer by summer. A few years later, I had his job and found myself doing the hiring. Sitting across from kids fourteen or so years ago, I suddenly found their nervousness rather difficult to understand. I was no one to fear, I thought. It was illuminating to realize what had probably been on the other side of the table when I was in their shoes.

At times when I face judgement, I try to remember that time and hope that it's like that. It's of some help, but the overwhelming feeling is one of resignation, or maybe what the British call their stiff upper lip. I guess that's stoicism if I understand the concept. As I said, the time comes when there's nothing left to do but take your medicine. It may be a fatalistic attitude, but it seems to me the appropriate one when you have no power. As you go, you'll rise and accrue more power, but there will always be judgments on you. If that's the case, you never really do gain meaningful authority, do you? It's hard to submit to judgments, but I guess it's necessary to learn how.