No Noose Is Good Noose

I never was very good at delayed gratification. I suppose that it's supremely unremarkable to say so, and I may as well add that I'm not very good with math or that I have difficulty sleeping very well. These are things that apply to virtually everyone, and so I'm not going to pretend that I'm special on account of any one of them. Their ubiquity doesn't make them untrue where I am concerned however, and in fact may make them of somewhat more interest than less common idiosyncrasies of mine, so I'll go on. I believe I was speaking of delayed gratification? For me it was mostly a concept which related to something I was going to receive- a gift perhaps, or something that was to come in the mail. I never could bear to wait, and yet I'd trade the kind of waiting I sometimes do now for that anytime.

Today it's more often something I'm waiting to know- something that affects my livelihood or future. I guess I'd rather not know about a thing at all until it was right on top of me. As the song goes, the waiting is the hardest part. You can deal with the grisly aftermath a thousand times more easily, can't you? The Germans found that out by chance during the Blitz in World War Two. A certain percentage of bombs they dropped on England were defective and failed to go off on impact. As it turned out, it had more impact when the Brits scrambled to prevent an explosion that might happen than it did when one just happened. The Germans then started making bombs that went off later on purpose. It was scarier that way.

If only it could be like a bandage to be removed from the skin. That's horrible, isn't it? It would sting enough if you had to remove it from smooth skin, but those hairs hang on to the adhesive. The anticipation of it is just the worst. The very sensible advice is to just yank it all at once. The shock practically anesthetizes you so that you feel nothing. A little at a time and you are howling from the pain. You have the power, though. You can make it quick and painless or draw it out. That kind of self-determination is scarce when it comes to the things I'm thinking of at the moment. Accelerating the process could impact the ultimate outcome. There's nothing to be done but to wait in quiet agony, finding one thing after another to occupy oneself with that will drive away thoughts of the shoe to drop.

I think I've gotten pretty good at waiting for small things like a Netflix disc due in the mail. Inside and out I am at peace with things like a forthcoming movie release or whatever other thing that might make me say "I can't wait!". I'll have to, and I will easily. What I doubt is whether people ever get good at receiving big news, such as medical test results. I don't think there's anything to do except to outwardly display grace and dignity so that people believe that you are serene. Who possibly could be? I do my best to beat away the worries and realize that recriminations are premature when no bad news has actually come yet. It's essential to be good at this kind of thing, as lives are shortened otherwise. I do my best.