Noms Faux

I have a particular interest in the fake names people concoct for comic purposes. That I would say so might make you think that I'm a fan and practitioner of the crank call, but such is not the case. It's fun, though, to come up with fake names that are meant to convey some point about a person. Someone who is tight with a dollar might be called 'Cheapo McTightwad', or something that rolls off the tongue better. Inventive names of that kind are very amusing, sometimes being applied to adult film actors, who invariably have over-the-top stage names(?) that are meant to suggest their prowess at their chosen profession. There's a thing that these fake names seem to have in common, and I don't know that anyone but me would even give it a thought.

Isn't it funny how the great majority of fake names seem to be of Irish origin? The formula seems to be that you have 'Mc' sandwiched by two redundant terms for the thing you're trying to associate the person with. This is what I have done in the above paragraph. Somehow you have to have some element of a name suggesting some national or cultural trappings. It can't just be some plain white bread kind of name that you're aping, or else it isn't funny. I wonder why that is. In any case, Irish names fit the bill so much so that they virtually squeeze out all others. That really is a shame, for plenty of other cultures have a way of forming names that would be extraordinarily good for joke names. If I may, I'll offer up a few examples.

A pre-existing example from the fine film 'The Life Of Brian' from Monty Python suggests that names from the Latin language are good for a giggle. That movie gave us a character called 'Biggus Dickus', and at the risk of being branded course, I found that hilarious. Regrettably, few received the education in antiquities that I did, and so this possibility surely must not occur to them. Let's then contemplate some more contemporary options. Already second to Irish names are German ones. This would likely be because that language has similar elements which can bind together several keywords in service of making a point about someone. An unintelligent person could be called 'Moron Von Stupidstein'. I know these that I'm coming up with could stand to be more clever, but I'm sure that you get the idea.

That last one I called German, but the use of 'stein' or 'berg' opens up the possibilies of Jewish names. Those are a little tougher in that the only artifact you have to use goes at the end of the surname, and so I myself can think of nothing you can use to tie the given name to it. This makes the selection of that first name more critical. In an easier direction, Northern Europe brings us some fertile ground for fake names. Unique about Scandinavian fake names is that you do better by repeating the word you insert, as in 'Stiffly Stifferson' (another borrowed one, this from a memorable Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Christopher Walken). In both their origin and sensibility, these names seem likely to be most numerous in the northern Midwest.

After that, it's largely unexplored territory so far as I know. So far there has been relatively little stomach for fake names derived from the Arabic language, although it offers excellent framework for them. Perhaps when tensions die down they will flourish in that language, although it may never happen (not to get political). Why not be bold and help it along? This planet we have here is so remarkably diverse that it seems a shame to be of an exploratory nature for dinner and not for comedy. Spreading the fake name love could bring us together as a planet rather than dividing as it may seem that it would. Why not try? Do yourself (and us) a favor and pick some fake names from off the beaten path today.