Checkpoint Charity

December seems like a bad time to need groceries. A lot of charity collections take place during that time, and they are very smart in selecting the grocery store as the place to catch people. I've spoken of my begrudging charitable spirit, so it should be no surprise that I don't welcome with open arms the kettles of the Salvation Army. When I read that they are getting going or see them for the first time, I sigh and my shoulders slump. I know that for the next few weeks, I will have to employ strategy and stealth to enter and exit the grocery stores. It's quite a drain. I think that the thing to do is to shop at the places most heavily patronized by those with little money. The charities probably don't place people there.

As if it weren't enough that donations are being solicited, I find that signatures are as well. I recently went to the grocery store in search of plain white t-shirts. I freely admit that it was not a likely place to find them, but you never really know, and I usually exhaust all possibilities within walking distance before I consider going further. As I approached the store, a man with pen and clipboard inquires whether I am an actor. When I denied this (being unsure of the true answer myself), he wondered if I had friends who were. Now, I can't really say why he was asking because I blew by him as quickly as I could lest my resolve weaken, but my immediate guess was that it was some kind of labor thing. This is one of those times when I wish people weren't so interested in such things. It's yet another reason to avoid the grocery store.

If I were smart, I would stock up in November. I could buy maybe a hundred or so cans of ravioli and get through the dangerous time in reasonable comfort without needing more food. I could even say that I was just taking a sensible measure in case of natural disaster. They always encourage us to stock up on things like food, water and medical supplied in the event that an earthquake disrupted the flow of supplies somehow. Naturally I never do that, but I might do it to avoid petitioners and donation solicitors. I would just have to claim it wasn't on their account I was stockpiling or else I would look bad. Really though, I do wish I had those cans of food.

It's sort of like the argument that persecuting illegal immigrants leaves them in fear of government interaction and thus afraid to call 9-1-1 if there's a fire. I put great credence in that, though I know others won't. If I should waste away for lack of food, I put the blame entirely on the cabal of grocery store chains, charities and political activists. I don't know what their game is, but if they're going to try to starve me out, they'll find I'm not so easily vanquished. I've got enough coffee, rice and materials for baloney sandwiches to last a while. All I have to do is making it until the last week of the month, at which time I'll be going to visit my family and probably will not be directly responsible for purchasing the groceries. When I come back in January, they'll be gone and I'll be able once again to buy food with impunity.