Catcher On The 405

As I've noted more times than was really worth doing, I read a good bit.  have been less given in recent times to reading when out and about, finding that a book is rather encumbering when I don't have a backpack on me (after I finally managed to give it up after convincing myself that it wasn't so indispensable). I still manage to read occasionally when I'm traveling by Metro, and here is where an unhelpful manifestation of my concern about self-image comes about.

I don't pick books based on what I imagine people will think of me. It would be an exhausting, futile endeavor since I can't begin to imagine what my decisions do to affect public opinion most of the time. Still I do consider what people think once it's too late. There I'll be with a book that I fancy grants me some prestige or which could grant me greater appeal in the eyes of the fairer sex, and I'll start angling the book towards her.

The Fate Of Narcissus

I enjoy looking at my reflection in mirrors. Rather, I should say that I enjoy looking at it in reflective surfaces. Naturally, that thought leads me to the negative perception of such a habit, hence the title I adopted for this post. It's not exactly that I'm so enamored with my looks, however. Certainly not to the degree that I have any expectation of suffering what befell Narcissus himself. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised by the generally positive look I manage to haphazardly pull together. I think that my reaction is something like getting a solid meal from room service at a so-so motel. As I said, though, that's not the general motivation. There are a few reasons.

I'm sure of that because I have no real interest in gazing at myself in the mirrors where I live. I think that's because I really look at the mirror in search of an objective image of myself. The mirrors at home feel subjective somehow- not quite like funhouse mirrors, but more like introspective mirrors. I guess it's psychological. When I go out on the street, I walk along the sidewalk and examine the world, but as I look at the people, cars, and things, I look over at the reflective surfaces that make up the buildings. Somehow because there are people around who see me, when I look at my reflection in their presence I feel like I'm maybe seeing what they see. I try to elicit from people their perception of me in conversation, but it doesn't seem to work.