The Fate Of Narcissus

I enjoy looking at my reflection in mirrors. Rather, I should say that I enjoy looking at it in reflective surfaces. Naturally, that thought leads me to the negative perception of such a habit, hence the title I adopted for this post. It's not exactly that I'm so enamored with my looks, however. Certainly not to the degree that I have any expectation of suffering what befell Narcissus himself. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised by the generally positive look I manage to haphazardly pull together. I think that my reaction is something like getting a solid meal from room service at a so-so motel. As I said, though, that's not the general motivation. There are a few reasons.

I'm sure of that because I have no real interest in gazing at myself in the mirrors where I live. I think that's because I really look at the mirror in search of an objective image of myself. The mirrors at home feel subjective somehow- not quite like funhouse mirrors, but more like introspective mirrors. I guess it's psychological. When I go out on the street, I walk along the sidewalk and examine the world, but as I look at the people, cars, and things, I look over at the reflective surfaces that make up the buildings. Somehow because there are people around who see me, when I look at my reflection in their presence I feel like I'm maybe seeing what they see. I try to elicit from people their perception of me in conversation, but it doesn't seem to work.

Another rather unrelated reason for looking in mirrors, and one which is more likely to have me employing the mirrors at home. Something I seek more information about is how it looks when I do certain things with my body when performing in improv or something else. When I'm performing or giving a speech, it's like I'm a partial sensory deprivation chamber. I can hear the audience, but not see them so well sometimes. The worst thing is what it looks like when I do things with my face or with my body in a scene. That's why I try to test gestures, expressions and so forth sometimes. I also listen and see how it seems to sound when I say a line I have in mind to use for something, but that's another matter.

I guess a lot of this is common to people who wind up doing some of the thing I have mentioned for a living. I have to imagine that those who don't make it often do as well, falling short for lack of catching any breaks. It wasn't with any of that in mind that I have begun to take an interest in mirror gazing. It's just a natural inclination. Most of what I do probably is. I don't think I can be any more calculating than a very bright pet dog, but one thing I have over that animal is the ability to distinguish between my own image in a mirror and a whole different person. That's something to take pride in.