Lists Are Rank

On the last day of last year, which you'll recall was on Saturday, I mentioned something about taking stock. I believe that it's valuable to do so in order to see clearer the way ahead for oneself. In general though, I think we are too given to making lists and ranking things. That's not to say that there is no value in these things. After all, one must make a list prior to shopping for groceries, and when there is some question about which is the best bread, what better way to resolve is there than ranking them based on their merits?

After that I don't know what the point is. Take movies, if you will. I feel myself smothered by the multitude of lists and rankings surrounding them. I don't know why people go to the trouble. They already get ranked by box office gross automatically, and that's at least as good a measure of excellence as those provided by alleged experts who really are masters only of reporting the plot points of a movie in their entirety.

Caught Not Caught Up

There is some great television on these days. Mindless trash may be more numerous and more popular, but for the more discriminating viewer, there is more than enough programming of a very high quality. In fact, there really is too much. Only someone who can dedicate hours a day can watch it all. A lot of people do watch tv for hours a day, but they watch the trash. I watch the good stuff, and while I ordinarily have plenty of time for it, I recently was uncharacteristically busy.

As a consequence, I have fallen woefully behind. The recent holiday weekend gave me time to catch up on just one show. I might have watched a little of everything, but I felt there would be a great psychological boost from knocking one show off the agenda. That show, of course, has now aired a new episode, again putting me a bit behind on it. At least I'm not four episodes back on it anymore. That was embarrassing.

Don't.

It's difficult to deny myself what I want and possess the power to grant myself. That's natural, I think. Self-discipline is as hard to achieve as it is hard to find in anyone. We get that impulse, and it's easier than it ever has been to fulfill it, no matter what it is. You can buy almost anything at any hour with a couple of buttons pressed. Seldom do we manage to talk ourselves down from the precipice of an impulse decision in time. It's hard to overstate this point.

I sometimes am able to stop myself from allowing myself an indulgence that I know I shouldn't. The key is in the realization, but that's not always enough. Maybe I want to buy a pair of sunglasses. Every now and then I get the idea that I want a really nice pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses, or a set of proper drinking glasses for bourbon. I can't really justify such expenses, but I get awfully close sometimes before I pull away.

Fidelity, I Guarantee

I have written in the past about wrestling with the difficulties that lie in the reconciliation of conflicting events scheduled in my agenda. As I then noted, it's difficult in such cases to made the hard decision to back out of one thing or another, as committed as I am to the impossible goal of pleasing all. In a sense, though, it's an easy thing to do in that it's physically impossible to do both things. A decision must be made, and in the end it's not possible to weaken and attempt both short of 80s-style sitcom antics. Not having any friends who would be game for posing as either me or my wife, I don't do that. As I said, in the end, a choice is made for better or worse because I can't delude myself into thinking it not necessary. There are other situations, however, where I very much can delude myself into believing I can do it all.

The thing is that just because two events take place at different times, it doesn't make it any more possible for me to do both. Take a recent sequence of two things I made myself believe I could do. A frenzied afternoon and evening culminated in an improv show. I wounded up pressed into duty as a performer, but that has nothing to do with having drawn the night out any longer or making it any more arduous. I knew very well that I would be out late carousing (to the extent that such can be done at a fast food restaurant), just as I knew that I was committed to attending my Friday morning Toastmasters meeting and giving a speech there. I persuaded myself that I could do both. Reality struck around midnight that I would not be able to turn around and do justice to my morning plans. I resigned myself to opting out of the thing which was unlucky enough to happen second, hoping that I had not yet exhausted the well of goodwill I had built up among my fellow members in that club.

The Longest Day: Part Two

Yesterday I began the story of a recent, frantically busy Saturday which seemed to warrant the kind of immortality that can only be bestowed here on my blog. It began with a profile in frustration precipitated by a morning visit by the handyman. Where I left off, we had received word that he was finished and were speeding towards our very pressing engagement. That engagement, if I was less than clear, was a special workshop designed to identify one's natural strengths and inclinations.

It was a quick trip down to Hollywood, and free of traffic, but it seemed just possible that parking might be a minor issue. We did have to meander through some side streets to find a spot, but it was not an especially onerous task. In any case, we needn't have worried. The small theater hosting the event was occupied prior by a class which ran long, and so the attendees of our workshop collected on the sidewalk out front for some minutes after the scheduled time. I guess I'm glad for that since we might in this situation have otherwise missed something, but it bothers me to no end how meaningless planned times are here. I think I may have written about that. That annoyance passed as do they all, and we got going.