This Movie Stinks

I've watched a whole lot of movies, and I believe I've made that adequately clear. Most of them have been by means of home video of one format or another. Whether money is scarce or not, I most often shrink away from going off to the theater, even when the cost of a ticket is quite nominal. The bottom line that this brings us to is that I have had many VHS tapes and DVDs pass through my hands (but no blu-rays as yet, the sample packages with my laptop aside). Each one had its unique quality, but none ever offended the senses until now.

If that paragraph concluded in a manner which failed to pique your interest, then I lose all faith in my ability to read such things. I'll proceed as if the words had the effect I anticipated and tell you what I meant by that. I purchased a VHS player some months back. My intent was to start watching more obscure movies, particularly those which are out of print and perhaps never actually were released as DVDs. Finally, and on a whim, I checked out a VHS tape from the library.

I have yet even to watch it as I write this, but it is remarkable already. The reason is exceptionally simple: it reeks to high heaven. I do not mean that as a metaphor or in any other sense but the literal interpretation of the words. The tape smells exactly like a vagrant human being of rather old vintage. I have contemplated what chain of events may have led to this being the case, but I wonder whether I should not contemplate very hard, lest I come to any realization.

I have even some trepidation about tainting my player by putting the tape in it. It would be a tragedy if it took on the same smell. I would then have not only to dispose of it but to render it absent from this earth entirely. Burnt plastic could hardly be as bad. The pity is that when I bring home a movie, the compulsion to do what I set out to is too great to fold over such a thing as a horrible-smelling videotape. I'll watch it, and then get it out of my home just as soon as I possibly can.