A Salacious Dream

Yesterday I wrote of my plans to relate and analyze some dreams I have had lately. Here is the first of them. It comes from a night in which I managed to record two separate ones, but one may guess that there is a connection between them, I suppose. It may be a tenuous one, and maybe I don't see what it is, but it's hard to imagine how my unconscious mind would have been wrestling with both independently by coincidence.

Here is the record verbatim exactly as I wrote it, with names changed to spare real people involved but with no other words altered to spare myself: "Had a dream about Lucinda. I think it was at a home I lived in. There seemed to be a lot of dancing, and it was evidently leading to sex, as I checked with nervousness to be sure that I had a condom (the very condom and wallet I have in real life). I think it went well in the end, but I'm not sure." There ends my drowsy recollection of the dream.

I don't know that a lot of imagination need be exercised in order to grasp this one. I'd say it was embarrassing, except that nothing in it is so uncommon. Anyway I'm getting weary these days of holding things back. "Lucinda" is a very attractive dancer of my acquaintance, so maybe it's natural for us to have been dancing in my dreams, even though I know more of her interests than that. No such intimacy as I dreamed exists between us. Clearly I entertain the idea of it happening/

In waking life I am more of the opinion (perhaps rightly, perhaps not) that a full, real relationship is not apt to be successful. I would be afraid to even attempt it, since I would fear rejection. Perhaps the nervousness and uncertainty I allude to in the record is indicative of the doubtfulness and fear I feel on those points. I may be very much off, though. In any event, I'll hang my hat on the hopeful note to the ending