The Trip Eschewed

I recall at least one trip to Las Vegas when I was a boy. At the time there was an earnest effort to make the city family-friendly, which I cannot say sounds like a good idea any more than it did then. One cannot really soften a city built on gambling and vices even more severe merely by putting in a couple of modest theme parks with roller coasters, or at least so goes my thinking. It was a reasonably enjoyable trip. I recall being shooed away from nickel slot machines and also being made to evacuate a poolside cabana which I could not understand having to pay for when it was so open and inviting. I had been watching cartoons in its tv.

I have not been back since about that time. As much as I appreciate the value of some things heavily touted by Vegas fans, I don't consider the place to really be for me. I tend to be rather risk averse, and derive little pleasure from anything more than trivial stakes in gambling. Something like a quarter or a dollar on a sporting event is really all I would have any desire for. You tend to have to be something more of a high roller than that in Las Vegas casinos.

What of the other pleasures implicit? I am a man, after all. Regrettably however, I am a gentleman, and I would be about as likely to indulge in such things as a Quaker. Interestingly, prostitution is as illegal in the city of Las Vegas as it is anyplace outside of Nevada. The law permits the licensing of brothels in counties which have a population of 400,000 or less as of the most recent census. Were I not a gentleman, I still would have to decline on the grounds that I am a generally law-abiding citizen.

There are really only two things that would give me cause to visit Las Vegas. They happen to have what I understand to be some great shows there. I would be rather interested in a concert, or perhaps a magic show. Maybe it would be a touring performer, or maybe it would be someone calling the city home, such as Celine Dion. I don't happen to be a fan, but as they say, 'When in Rome..." Maybe I would also go to a boxing match. If not there, then where would I?

The other thing that would make me want to go is the food. I don't know that I would patronize the world class Michelin Guide-making restaurants which may be found there. I would be more inclined to partake of the more high-volume possibilities. I always have loved all-you-can-eat buffets, whatever sort of cuisine they offer. I like salad bars, Mexican, pizza, and anything else. If it's lined up in warming trays  and sold at a flat rate, I'm there. So then, Las Vegas: once you become the only place for buffets and live shows, I'll be there in a second.