The Struggle To Like

I can be a rather unpleasant person, I'm sure. I have good moments and bad moments, like anyone. Sometimes I wonder which outnumber which. I often am clearheaded enough to see what a foul mood I'm in. I get very irritable, short-tempered and judgmental. At such times, I find it very difficult to write anything funny. It all comes out angry, and I have to keep trying until I can come up with something that reads like a joke.

During these times, I find that I don't like anything, or anyone. Somehow, every tweet that I read is unfunny or obtuse. Every news article is frivolous or poorly reported. I find myself saying, again and again, "What are you talking about" in a very exasperated tone. Even in more pleasant moods, I find it a difficult task to like anything. I know I can't be so superior that nothing meets my exacting standards, although something less than that could be true.

I do try to overcome this tendency in myself. I don't really understand it, and maybe I would have better luck if I did, but I do try to step outside of myself and recognize whatever irrationality is behind a consistent dislike of things. It just can't be that everything is terrible. Either my mood makes me cast everything that way, or else I just have runs of bad luck when I come across a bunch of things in a row that are bad.

If I can't ever get over this problem, then I have to become one of those people where such ugly personality traits are somehow endearing. I could be like Twain or Hemingway or somebody else who was a great creative genius and whose work everyone liked so much that their horrible faults just became more of their greatness. That means either I work on my personality or I work on my work. For the moment, I favor the latter. It seems less intractable.