O-Key Do-Key

I added another key to my keychain lately, which I admit is a rather mundane thing to report. One has to find a way of balancing remarkable events with universal themes, and I have to admit that in this case I may have blown it, but perhaps you'll disagree with me and say that I've done very well. That happens often enough. Anyway, I've got this additional key on my keychain, and it's beginning to get a little crowded.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a multitool and a bottle opener on there, to say nothing of the many little plastic things that obtain discounts from stores in exchange for exploitation of my purchasing history. What do you call those things- fobs? If so, that's a shorter, less loaded name. They're a big contributor to the crowding of my keychain. That new key wouldn't even fit on the chain properly. I have it hanging off an intermediary loop.

I thought about getting a bigger keychain. As a boy, I always was very enthralled with the giant keychain used by janitors. It seemed to denote power, as the number of keys on a chain represent the degree of access that one has. As a man however, I appreciate that the true reflection of power and access is not having to carry so many keys to get into places, and so I don't want to have a big, giant keychain.

There's no pleasant solution here, really. I could split what's on that chain and put some on a second chain, which is inconvenient. I could keep the keys on the outside of my pants instead of in the pocket, but that looks pretty dumb. Perhaps the solution will present itself when I either gain a high enough status to divest myself of the need for keys, or when I lose enough status that the keys are taken away from me.