In Good Standing

Some time ago I believe I outlined my assessments of the librarians at my local branch. To summarize briefly, there's one very friendly one, one basically friendly one, cordial but incommunicative on, one  rather knowledgeable one who is not such a people person and one surly one. Those are the ones of whom I can speak with confidence. It's that last one that moves me to write today, and I do wish there were no cause to do so.

I don't think she likes me too much, or at least the possibility of that is there. I have always seen her to be civil at best. There's invariably a quality of curtness to her which has made me see her as someone who is there because it's a job and not a calling. I can guess why she'd be sour, considering what someone in her position must make. You have to get some of your compensation in the fulfillment of your life's mission, because cash probably doesn't quite cover it alone.

The other day there was something that seemed to heighten my feelings about her a bit. I admit I may not be wholly blameless. I walked in with some dvds to return about nine minutes before they were to close. I quickly selected some new ones and got in line to check out around six minutes before they were to close.  It was one of those times when the checkout line was split between people in the proper area (like me) and people lining straight behind the station (such as the man who I outflanked).

The lady summoned me up when it was my turn. I had been distracted. She took my selections and began to ring them up. I advised her of the discs that remained to be checked back in, knowing I would otherwise be exceeding my limit. She processed all this and handed me back my new movies, jabbing them at me rather aggressively. This was my perception, although I admit I may well be mistaken about it all.

I don't like the idea that there would be anyone out there who dislikes me, even if it's someone who can't harm me. It must be very telling that I've written a third more than I usual do in a single post. Who else but me would be upset to think that someone they didn't like also didn't like them? It may just be me. Now, I know what a mistake it is to attribute someone's behavior entirely to yourself, but I did get the idea that she may have disliked the movies I picked. Two were rather provocative, once-controversial films from Sweden, but could she have known that?

I guess that I have to learn how to let something like that go. I'm either wrong in guessing her opinion of me or wrong in caring about her opinion of me. Really I'm sure it must be both at once, right? It's all ridiculous of course, but it's easier to worry over whether a librarian doesn't like me because I check out questionable materials from the library than to worry about finances, dating prospects or professional endeavors.