The Give And Take

I have had a difficult time in my life of getting to where I was at ease in conversation. I grew up very socially awkward, and was largely withdrawn and isolated. Over time I improved and now talk eagerly, although it remains difficult in group situations during which I must contend for opportunities to contribute. At such times, I still sometimes find myself sidelined and pretending to be content doing something by myself, but this is now relatively uncommon.

In those one-on-one scenarios though, I now face a far different problem from the one of the past. I struggle now to do what Dale Carnegie counseled, which is to be a well-liked conversationalist mainly by being a good listener. Ever fiber of my being strains against this, revolting against the order from my reasoning mind to contain the wonderful things that the rest of my mind has thought of to say. Regretfully I fail more than I succeed at this.

It's something like being a batter in a baseball game. One might face a dozen pitches in a single at bat waiting for the one worth swinging at. In conversation, one must listen a while in order to say something which furthers the conversation rather than one's own ego. Unlike in the baseball simile (which is imperfect at best), the conversation one is listening to is supposed to be enjoyable or at least rewarding. Why else would I be talking to someone? I ought to be listening gladly if I've chosen to spend time with the person. I could chatter endlessly at my own reflection in the mirror more enjoyably if talking was an aim in itself.

Not so long ago, I found myself eating lunch with a previously unknown lady at an eatery I had gone to alone. A nascent conversation in line blossomed adequately that we each were content to eat together rather than each by ourselves. Although I don't know that anything might have come of the encounter under any circumstances, I don't believed I helped matters by being more of a talker than a listener. Too many times I clumsily tried to insert personal opinions and anecdotes rather than hearing out all of hers in their entirety and then replying. Well, I shall endeavor to do better if I should get the chance.