Sealed With A 'Kiss Off'

Nothing motivates me to write quite like being angry, and I am very much so after a piece of mail that came the other day. I've been quite anguished over the fate of the Post Office in recent months, but if this is what I can expect at their hands, then perhaps my sympathies are misplaced. This piece of mail really got my dander up, and I trust that once I've described it you will be moved to remonstrate me for being too understanding.

The first thing I noticed was the addressing on the envelope. There was no return address, and it had what appeared at first glance to be a regular first class stamp but which in fact was a special stamp for pre-sorted mail. Completing the superficial similarity to a letter from a person was the machine-printed false handwriting which directs the mail carrier to deliver the envelope to "Our Neighbor At" my address. Before I even opened it, this envelope had me fuming and swearing.

Upon opening it, I was far from mollified. I discovered it to be a crude and ham-fisted attempt at personalizing a sales pitch from a telecommunications company hoping to sell me internet access. The paper inside had every indication of being a poorly photocopied document. Furthermore, it was made to look as if some kindhearted friend had marked it up with a blue ballpoint pen. All over it bears messages heartily endorsing the company and its promotion.

All I can do is shake my head and wonder just how far the bar has now fallen for intelligence and critical thinking. Can they really be yielding results with this approach? God help us if credulous consumers are buying in on the strength of these letters purporting to be from a trusted neighbor. I feel very much insulted by the implication that I'm that dumb, or that anyone is anywhere. I will make every effort to avoid even by bitter necessity opening an account with these people. To encourage such a campaign would be to utterly and irrevocably compromise the principles nearest and dearest to me. Moreover, it's not that great a bargain for internet.