My Way

I talk a lot sometimes, and sometimes I talk fairly little. The only way I can account for it is that sometimes I am very comfortable with the people, the place and the situation. Sometimes that is not the  case, and I clam up. Mostly I think that these are correct judgments that I make subconsciously or consciously, and I do tolerably well in social situations as far as that goes. Other people might beg to differ.

Even I'll concede that sometimes it goes awry, and I talk when I shouldn't. There's some kind of crossed wire so that I get comfortable when I shouldn't. I'll feel a green light where there's just red. I should recognize that zinger after zinger is being met with the iciest of cold receptions, but I just don't. There are plenty of examples, and the day I made malpractice jokes while a doctor sewed stitches in my thumb is just one.

It's the same with friends, too. My awesome comedic remarks are just not always called for even among them, for one reason or another. Sometimes it's that they're in no mood for it, or that they're trying to listen to something else. I should recognize the signs that it's not the time, but I don't until the situation is beyond repair. I just don't learn with that stuff. It's really an unfortunate state of affairs for me.

I could just say that this is who I am and that I am prepared to gain some with it and lose some, but perhaps that would be shortchanging myself on my capacity for change and growth. Perhaps I can improve at identifying the right times and places, thus averting a future in which I am welcome in the situations where running my mouth is a virtue or at least acceptable, but shut out of all other situations. That would be undesirable.