Doing It Dirty

We have a dishwasher here at the apartment (and, thwarting the old joke, none of us is married). That makes it easy to keep a reliable supply of clean dishes, or rather it should do that. Somehow it happens all too often that the thing that you need is dirty, or there are no more of that thing. Admittedly, I only have one coffee mug that I like, so that's my fault. Why, though, should we ever be out of clean plates when we are never out of detergent? I have no answer.

I do have an answer for how to proceed when you are out of such items. Of course you can get the dishes loaded and the machine going, but that takes a while. Who has such time? You can also hand-wash the one thing that you need, but then it is left wet and you can either wait for it to dry or dry it with something that will leave fibers and shreds of things on it. No, there is in truth just one course of action that will satisfy me.

I am referring to using a dirty dish, of course. The first thing is to find the least dirty dish. It's important that anything on it be strictly be food and that it be dry. Hopefully, the last thing you used it for is what you're using it for this time. You can just wipe it off with your hand, leaving it looking almost like it was clean. Only you will know the truth. Even if it doesn't totally pass, the fact that you're doing this means there is little chance of someone being close enough to you that they would see this.

The final step, coming even after you have used the plate again, is swearing that you will stop doing that. You have to mean it- I mean that you really have to believe it. Of course you believe it, because how could you be permanently resolved to living that way? You don't want to live alone or with equally loathsome bachelors forever. You want to find a woman, and who will love you for your grubby habits except for an equally loathsome woman?

Well, probably you will change down the line, so that permits your behavior today to seem charming and lovably askew rather than revolting. You just do what you've got to do (or, rather, what you think you have to do) with those plates totally secure in the knowledge that it will get better one way or another. Besides, consider the fact that the more you improve yourself, the more you set yourself apart from most people. Enjoy being a man or woman of the people while you can.