"That's How They Get You."

A thought came to mind recently while on the bachelor party camping trip I wrote about. As it provoked a group conversation which subsequently formed the basis of this piece, I ought to give credit to the other guys, but I won't. We hit sit-down restaurants before and after camping, and while waiting for our table at the latter one, I got to thinking about the free food doled out to each table before one orders at certain restaurants. At Mexican places, there's invariably tortilla chips and salsa. Italian places often have garlic bread, and other fine establishments may have plain French bread. One hears a common expression of so-called wisdom which holds that "that's how they get you", suggesting that the provision of free food before one orders and receives their other food is in some sense a scam.

I just don't see how free bread is a scam. You are seated, given water and a bowl of rolls. You probably place a drink order, receiving that soon after. You then place an order for your food, receiving that in somewhat more time than the drink took. You eat the food, or eat part of it and probably bring the rest home in a box. If the latter, am I to believe that it's someone in the restaurant's interest that you were too full to finish the food? They don't get to keep the balance. Even if you leave it on the table when you go, they can't recycle that- they throw it away. It could only really be to their detriment as I see it to give the bread. It just seems to me like some kind of mindless cynicism to automatically assume that something like that is in the selfish interest of the establishment.

It was suggested that the free bread is in fact a devious means of disguising the fact that the portions of menu items are actually smaller than the price you pay, and that in the absence of bread patrons would realize themselves to be the victims of a titanic ripoff. I remain steadfast in my believe that there's no scam here. I feel that the overall quantity and quality of food, when one takes in the bread as well as the menu items and drinks, is consistent with a reasonable value. Would it be any better if the menu items were slightly cheaper and nothing given for free? I don't even see that as equivalent. To me it would be worse that way. For there to be nothing complimentary in this world, whether it's legitimately free or in fact paid for by some unseen means such as this, I would be saddened.

Whatever the case may be, I think that proponents of all viewpoints must see the sense in discontinuing the use if the phrase and the raising of the whole concept. Have we not now, with this contribution of mine, entirely exhausted all possibility of stimulating conversation and debate? Could we not talk about something fresh and interesting, or even just not talk for a moment if we feel the impulse to repeat something everyone has heard as though it was our own well-reasoned and hard-earned knowledge? I guess we can't. Endless rehashing of conversation about the weather ought to have disabused me of the idea before I even set down to write this. Anyway, the next time this comes up, you know what I think. I'll just excuse myself and make a phonecall while you go through the motions.