How To Sleep

Sleeping is a constant struggle. I got to thinking about it during a recent bout with the Sandman- one which was almost not at all notable. it could have been any of several during the last week alone, distinguishable only by their varying levels of intensity. If I take a nap, that makes two in one day. As always, this spell of insomnia (as I call it, though I can't claim to have received any professional diagnosis) was prolonged by my overactive mind, and I kept jotting down one more idea.

I've always had a harder time sleeping than those around me. In pre-school, the other children were fine during nap time. The teachers arranged us en masse on thin blue and red mats during the day and ordered us to sleep within a narrow time frame, and all of that was wrong for me. I would lie motionless on my mat as instructed and wait impatiently for nap time to end. My thoughts might or might not have made the time partially productive, but I can't recall.

Sleeping at night in my home was at least possible. I would spend a while reading under the covers by flashlight (seemingly unnecessary precautions, given that I was at the other end of the house from the rest of the family and had no objectionable material). I would then play a tape of music for kids, which served as a kind of timer. It failed me sometimes, whereupon I would make use of warm milk. There was a saving grace in that I was more isolated and had fewer possible sources of stimuli in the room with me.

I alluded above to a number of factors that impair my ability to sleep. It is thus that I have a lot of conditions that I do my best to fulfill when the time comes to lay me down to rest. They mostly pertain to comfort and security. If they're all adhered to, I'm alone in my own bed behind a locked door and closed windows. The room is cool, and all electronics are shut down. That ideal situation really doesn't happen often. I guess it's the electronic devices that make the most trouble.

Mostly, I bring it on myself. I can't stand lying there, so I'll have on music or the radio or something else. I try to use those things as I did the old cassette tape, but they really only serve to prevent my mind from gearing down. It must be the difference in content. Little of the media I like these days is terribly soothing. Virtually absolute sensory deprivation seems to be the the only thing that helps (one exception being the feel of the sheets when the room is cool).

Obviously, I've put a tremendous amount of thought into this, but am no more wise for it. Perhaps if I took my own reasoning to heart, sleep would come when bidden, but perhaps not. I come only to the conclusion that the best insurance against trouble is to contrive a busy, physically demanding schedule every day, so that I achieve a state of collapse which supersedes anything else. It's the best incentive yet to achieve the professional success for which I strive.