A Downer

I am getting to a good place in life, and it is happening none too soon. Finally, if slowly, I am becoming convinced of my abilities and the virtue that is my uniqueness. Being different means a lot to me. Because there is no one like me, I can triumph even when I am not objectively the best, and as I am a novice in the acting game, the value of that cannot be overstate. That is not to say that being different always feels great.

These days, this is not exactly a lone voice crying out in the dark. Lots of people are expressing themselves in one fashion or another about being different, so one could say that by adding my own two cents I am doing little except for indulging my own vanity. I am certainly not beyond that, and so here it is. I do wish sometimes that I were more like others in my way of thinking. Naturally even better would be if they were like me, but maybe I'd be sorry for thinking that.

The thing is that I perpetually seem to be on the outside looking in. I cannot relate to a lot of what the people around me say and think. I do my best, and I often come close, but it inevitably happens that something gets in between them and me. The thing I mentioned yesterday about Subway is a fine example, and there are lots of cases of things that don't get pushed so far. It makes me pine for just one person entirely aligned with me instead of cobbling that together from lots of people.

I suppose this comes off as rather morose, but there's no helping that. I wouldn't really change who I am, and there's a cost to being who you are, no matter who you are. The cost could only be steeper if I resisted my nature. I really am more among my own sort more than I ever have been, and one must not make the perfect the enemy of the good, as they say. Surely with the one person I hope for, it will all come together.